the games room.

 

Silver Member
Username: Doreenakadj

Post Number: 792
Registered: Dec-06
Ok since we are once again waiting for this blackout to come to light. I thought we could chat and play some kind of games or maybe tell jokes to pass the time.


Al Bundy's Christmas Eve

'Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
No food was a-stirrin',
Not even a mouse.

Stockings were hung round
Dad's neck like a tie,
Along with a note that said,
"Presents or die."

Children were plotting
All night in their beds,
While the wife's constant whining
Was splitting his head.

But daddy had money
This year in the bank,
Then they closed up early,
And now dad's in a tank.

All of a sudden,
Santa appeared,
A sneer on his face,
Booze in his beard.

"Santa," I said,
As he laughed merrily,
"You do so much for others,
Do something for me."

"Bundy," he said,
"You only sell shoes,
Your son is a sneak thief,
Your daughter's a floose."

"Ho ho," Santa said,
"Should I mention your wife?
Her hair's like an A-bomb,
Her nails like a knife."

He climbs up the chimney,
That fat piece of dung,
He mooned me two times,
He stuck out his tongue.

I heard him exclaim,
As he broke wind with glee,
"You're married with children,
You'll never be free."
 

Silver Member
Username: Doreenakadj

Post Number: 793
Registered: Dec-06
How to Tell if You're a Grinch
You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name. (5 points)
You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply. (5 points, 10 if neighbor's whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out)
You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer. (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points)
You put out last year's stale candy canes for children. (1 point for each piece of sticky candy). If you put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add 10 points.
You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Walmart, or K-Mart in a Bloomingdale's or other prestige box to impress your friends. (5 points for each infraction).
You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day. (5 points, 10 if from a cell phone), claiming you are stuck in a phone booth.
At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles of goodies for later consumption at home. (5 points; 15 points if you use this stuff for your own party)
You steal the wreath from a parked car to use on your own [Southern California only, others ignore]. (5 points -- nobody but Angelenos are dumb enough to dress a car)
After an invitation to a friend's house, you bring a commercially produced fruitcake and try to pass it off as home made. (5 points; 15 points if the fruitcake is from last year).
Any stealing from the Toys-for-Tots collection bins is a definite no-no. (20 points)

Evaluate your score on the "Grinch Scale" from 20 to 100.

20-30: You are just a cheeseball.

30-50: You are an apprentice in Yuletide larceny and are probably wanted by the police for overdue parking tickets.

50-100: Grinch, move over. The Meyer Lansky of Christmas crime has arrived.
 

Gold Member
Username: Ke5aqn

IF I DONT KNOW THE ANSWER, I WILL FIND...

Post Number: 1299
Registered: Sep-06
I will pass the time watching tv their are 100's of channels working just fine on DN
 

Silver Member
Username: Way2smart

CANADAModerator

Post Number: 246
Registered: Oct-06
Girls night out
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pe. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her pantes, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her pantis." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'
 

Silver Member
Username: Way2smart

CANADAModerator

Post Number: 247
Registered: Oct-06
Poor guy
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gaay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
 

Silver Member
Username: Doreenakadj

Post Number: 794
Registered: Dec-06
A Drunk's Night Before Christmas


'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
There were bottle of booze left around by some louse.
When through the North window there came loud a yell
I sprang to my feet to see what the hell...

And what to my bloodshot eyes should I see,
But eight drunken reindeer caught up in a tree.
And there in the branches, was a man with a sleigh.
I knew it was Santa, quite tiddley and g@y.

Staggering nearer those eight reindeer came,
While he belched and hiccoughed and called them by name:
"On Whiskey! On Vodka! we ain't got all night,
You too, Gin and Brandy, now all do it right!

Clamber up on the roof, and get off this wall,
Get going you rummies, we've still got a long haul!"
So up on the roof went the reindeer and sleigh,
But a tree branch hit Santa before he could sway.

And then to my ears like the roll of a barrel,
A hell of a noise that was no Christmas carol.
So I pulled in my head and I cocked a sharp ear,
Down the chimney he plunged, landing smack on his rear.

He was both plump and chubby, and tried to stand right,
But he didn't fool me, he was high as a kite.
He spoke not a word but went straight to work
And missed half the stockings, the drunken old jerk.

Then putting his thumb to the end of his nose,
He fluttered his fingers as he quoted prose.
As he sprung for his sleigh at so hasty a pace,
He tripped on a shingle and he slid on his face.

But I heard him call back as he passed out of sight,
"Merry Christmas, you lushes, now really get tight!"
 

Bronze Member
Username: Pk4ever

Alta loma, Ca U.s.

Post Number: 16
Registered: Jul-07
Green Bay and New England in Super Bowl, now that will be a game...
 

Silver Member
Username: Doreenakadj

Post Number: 798
Registered: Dec-06
maybe so paul... but is it going to be watched by many using FTA reivers? I don't watch sports so not sure if any sport channels are working .. sorry for sounding so blonde.
 

Silver Member
Username: Doreenakadj

Post Number: 800
Registered: Dec-06
Wed Nov 14, 11:04 PM ET



SYDNEY (AFP) - Santas in Australia's largest city have been told not to use Father Christmas's traditional "ho ho ho" greeting because it may be offensive to women, it was reported Thursday.

Sydney's Santa Clauses have instead been instructed to say "ha ha ha" instead, the Daily Telegraph reported.

One disgruntled Santa told the newspaper a recruitment firm warned him not to use "ho ho ho" because it could frighten children and was too close to "ho", a US slang term for prostitute.

"Gimme a break," said Julie Gale, who runs the campaign against sexualising children called Kids Free 2B Kids.

"We are talking about little kids who do not understand that "ho, ho, ho" has any other connotation and nor should they," she told the Telegraph.

"Leave Santa alone."

A local spokesman for the US-based Westaff recruitment firm said it was "misleading" to say the company had banned Santa's traditional greeting and it was being left up to the discretion of the individual Santa himself.

WEll Here in Canada we are not even aloud to have any Xmas trees or anything to do with Christmas in any government building (its discretion against other cultures so they say) I dissargree... Santa himself is a symbol for hope and peace and joy. Its sad to look around the city now without a BIG Chtistmas Tree standing at the city halls or main street spomewhere . People use to gather around and sing and smile laughing as children playing around the trees. NOW only snow and Grumpy people walk about the streets. Now they are even trying to take Santa's "HO HO HO" away from Jolly old St Nickels ! Whats next to be taken away?
 

Gold Member
Username: Cartier1

Post Number: 1439
Registered: Feb-07
doreeN . THAT WAS A CHANCE FOR YOUR ADDICTION TO HEAL. BUT U HAVE NO FU*CKING LIFE . GO GET A LIFE . GO TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS. UGLY F 8ucking she male.
 

Silver Member
Username: Nbn3

Post Number: 130
Registered: Nov-07
gee you sure went from a sweet young man trying to get laid to a lunatic fu.ckin nutcase muslim. carty hating woment isn't going to get you any points , except maybe from osama
 

Silver Member
Username: Doreenakadj

Post Number: 801
Registered: Dec-06
I wonder what Christmas will be like on Mars or the moon? That is if we can ever live on them. There isn't any other cultures there ONLY Earthlings. I gues " earth day " wont count either. lol. Maybe Santa doesn't even get that far eh. Any way just a thought.
 

Silver Member
Username: Doreenakadj

Post Number: 802
Registered: Dec-06
cartier leave me alone
 

Silver Member
Username: Doreenakadj

Post Number: 803
Registered: Dec-06
BTW what did you mean by " THAT WAS A CHANCE FOR YOUR ADDICTION TO HEAL"
 

Silver Member
Username: Pulp_fiction

Post Number: 467
Registered: Nov-07
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