Platinum Member Username: Jan_b_vigne
Dallas,
TX
Post Number: 16135
Registered: May-04
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Posted on .
... from the nephew stationed in Afghanistan.
Hello. I hope you like some of these. Some are dumb and some are funny. Erik.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Politicians and diapers need to be changed regularly, usually for the same
reason.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
A fool is a 37th floor window washer who steps backs to see his work.
I tried to put my head together but now my body is falling apart!!
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour. I said,
"the whole time."
Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right
time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body
and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement
.
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong , you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in
trouble.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells
'Theirs.'
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and
start bragging about it.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called
witch-craft. Today, it's called golf.
I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
When everything comes your way you're in the wrong lane.
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train..
Born free, taxed to death.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your
pants.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the
other three, he was the genius.
The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon!
If you can't convince them, confuse them..
It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder!
The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
Someday is not a day of the week
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.
The road to success..... Is always under construction.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does milk.
In order to get a loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or
married to someone else.
If ignorance is bliss, then I must be the happiest thingamajig in the
whatchamacallit!
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am
saying. [Oscar Wilde]
Silence is golden... duck tape is silver.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in
terror like his passengers.
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son
who thinks he's wrong.
Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.
These are the people charged with keeping us safe, folks.
Think about it.
Anybody realize you are not allowed to post the word "w*tchcraft" on this forum?
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