so i have extremely strict parents. and pretty much the one thing that i love is riding dirtbikes and motorcycles.. so a few years ago before my mom married my step dad i asked if i could get a dirtbike.. she said maybe when i get into high school. well once i got into ninth grade she was married and when i asked her she said she would have to talk to my step dad. he was extremely against it and since she listens to whatever he says she said i couldnt get one... now im going into 11th grade and about a month ago my friend offered me a bike that he could have easily sold for 3 grand and he offered it to me for 1500. so obviously i took it and left it at my friends house. then one day my friend dropped it off at my house cause his mom didnt want to have it there anymore. wel my step dad was mad but my mom wasnt and she said i could keep it on one condition, that was that i got all the pads for it and gear. so i easily accepted that and bought the stuff. then yesterday my step dad told me he was going to try to get rid of it (right after i finally get all the pads.) now im not allowed to ride it.
i was wondering if anyone has any advice on what i could do. i know its a stupid question and one that would be hard to answer but any input would help...
You need to let your step dad know that he's not your dad so he needs to stop acting like he is,you should also let your mom know that too.What's going to happen is that you'll end up hating both your mom and step dad but I doubt you like your step dad at the moment anyhow.Tell your mom that you dislike that she has to run everything by someone that you don't even care for and that if she wants you to hate her as well then she can keep letting your step dad control your life.I was very rebellious at your age and didn't listen to either of my parents but I think I turned out alright in the long run but I did get into quite a bit of trouble.I wouldn't listen to either of them personally.
Since your mom married the guy, it's in your best interest to get along. If you rebel, it'll be hard on everyone involved. Before you go off the handle, try a more mature approach first. Take a night off with your step dad, and try to bond. See why he's so against it, and explain your passion. Unless your step dad is an idiot druggie, he'll try and understand. Ask any step dads, and they'll (most) tell you that they do not want trouble in the family. Whatever you do, do not say "you're not my father." Unless of course you want out and live on your own. Last time some Cub's baseball player said the above phrase, ended up looking like a fool on tv. If you don't know who it is, google it. I think he's with Texas Rangers this year.
DO NOT tell your step dad that he is not your dad! It will make things worse. My dad was married to a very controlling woman before. Do voice your opinion to your mother about her having to run everything by him. I know its hard as hell cause I have been there. Now I too am a step father. You have to live with the fact that you are under 18 and still live with your parents. Now, I dont agree with what your step dad is doing but you pretty much cant do anything. It doesnt matter if you dont care for your step dad but your mom married him and you have to respect her. Do you have the title to the bike?
" Now, I dont agree with what your step dad is doing but you pretty much cant do anything."
Bullsh1t.You can do things so don't think you don't have freedom or you have to be someone's puppet.
"Since your mom married the guy, it's in your best interest to get along."
Your mom married the guy...so what?That doesn't give the right to kill your dreams and hopes of getting to ride your dirt bike.You even have all the pads and helmet right?Anyone that kills a kids dream like that is a piece of sh1t.The thing that really pisses me off here is that you already purchased the bike and safety gear and the a sshole still makes sure that you don't get to ride it and the fact that the douche bag is going to try to get rid of YOUR dirt bike is pretty messed up too.I wish someone would deny him of something he really likes or enjoys,like the ability to walk
What can he do?...please enlighten us oh father. He's a junior so he will be 18 soon then he can move out. Until then..yeah he pretty much cant do a damn thing but tell them how he feels.
"The thing that really pisses me off here is that you already purchased the bike"
Yeah after he already knew he wasnt supposed to have it. Thats why it was at his friends house.
^^FYI it doesnt matter, you still gotta live by the house rules and obviously he makes the rules. No respect....exactly whats wrong with people these days.
"well once i got into ninth grade she was married and when i asked her she said she would have to talk to my step dad. he was extremely against it and since she listens to whatever he says she said i couldnt get one... now im going into 11th grade and about a month ago my friend offered me a bike that he could have easily sold for 3 grand and he offered it to me for 1500."
For the record..I am by no means saying what the step dad is doing is right. But it is what it is, and if that is how the step dad feels and the mom backs him, then you are kinda SOL. You will be 18 soon and when you move out you will have all the freedom you want. Again, do you have the title to the bike?
Well obviously he doesn't have a dad, now this "Step-Dad" is coming in and taking away something he really wants to do. Your only young once.. f.uck him and do what you want. This is how people get depressed and do stupid sh/t with their lives because his step-dad is ruining it for him. He wants to have fun let him, he shouldn't be a b1tch about it. His mom told him to get the gear and it was cool.
OMG...are you serious? If you are gonna get depressed and do stupid sh!t (whatever stupid sh!t you are talking about) because you have to listen to your "parents" and cant ride your bike, then you have much bigger problems. Means you arent mature if you are gonna do "stupid sh!t" cause you have to listen to the authority figures in the house.
"His mom told him to get the gear and it was cool."
She said he could keep it. Nothing about riding it, according to the OP.
And if this is the only problem he has with the step dad..he should consider himself lucky.
Yeah you guys are right. To the OP go do what you want and see how it goes. I bet the living situation will be GREAT. But whatever, at least you will have your bike.....
Naledge,you were one of those kids in school that never got out of line weren't you?I agree that it's not good to start problems but you have to stick up for yourself and put your f ucking foot down.You can't just live life letting people push you around all the time.
I agree Rob, it just comes down to respecting the house rules. You dont have to like your step dad, and I'm sure that if you called a little meeting with him and your mother to talk about it, things will become more clear.
My step dad was married to my old step mom between the ages of 12-18 and my brother and I were basically her slaves. We had no freedom whatsoever. We had to shovel horse stalls, build rabbit cages, and a bunch of other things that I could list, for our lunch money, at $1.00-$2.00 a job. I can sympathize, but if this is something that they say you cant do then so be it. I went through the fights and alot more. I had the police called on me and at the cost of what? Because I wanted to do what I wanted to do....
seems to be a lot of judgement about the situation in this thread, and unless i missed it, no one has asked WHY the step-dad in question doesn't like the dirt bike idea. If it's just a matter of control then fu<k him. If said step-son is flunking out of school, or getting in trouble with the police, or has no job/money...then the step dad may be looking out for his best interest.
There is certain ways of handling situations, and being rebellious is not one of them. It will make the situation as a whole, with everybody, not just between step dad and step son but mom included, very difficult.
I also would like to know why the step dad is so against it.
you guys gotta remember though. we've only heard monkeyman's story. you can't pass judgement after hearing only one side of the story. gotta give his step dad the benefit of the doubt.
I have been in a similar situations. My parents divorced when i was younger and both have since remarried. I was in just such situations w/ my 2 people, the guy my mom used to date and the guy that is now my stepdad.
The guy she used to date was a douche, but the guy she is now married to is better though. He still goes nuts from time to time though.
The best thing you can do is act like an adult. If your stepdad has a s4it-fit, show that you are more of an adult than him.
Sit down w/ both your mother and him and explain everything to them...have you pads on hand and show them just how much you paid to get them. Remind them of how responsible you have been in the past (i hope you have been).
Explain that you are 16-17 (?) and that you are taking resposibility for the bike and it is a hobby you love. You are dam near grown and if they cant accept that, they are the children.
Above all, dont make an @$$ of yourself. Go about this in a calm and collected manner.
"dont listen to rob... he doesnt have parents that love him so he wouldnt know how to handle this situation."
Maybe David is right but I have never hesistated to turn my back on anyone who has done wrong to me.It's that simple for me,some people are weak though and will endure BS coming from people.I'm not one of those people though.
"Maybe David is right but I have never hesistated to turn my back on anyone who has done wrong to me.It's that simple for me,some people are weak though and will endure BS coming from people.I'm not one of those people though."
like i said dont listen to rob he doesnt have parents that love em...
^^^^ I agree, poster could be an @sshole to his step dad we really don't know. Here is what I want you to do, this will let me know what kind of person(s) we are dealing with. Just go up to him and ask " What would it take for you to let me keep and ride this bike?", plain and simple no additude no BS just ask him this and post what he says, ok... Polo.
PS- I will give my evaluation on the whole deal after you have done what I asked.
^^ I agree with Polo. Ask him what you gotta do to keep and see what he says. If he tells you that there is no way your keeping it then I would just do what Rob says.
Naledge my pop pop's dad died and to keep the family going his mom had to re-marry. They had a huge farm in bridgeport new jersey, you guys might know it as the Bridgeport Raceway. His step-dad made all the mom's kids work and never paid em a dime. If refused he got beat to hell. Then when old enough that MOTHER F#cker gave the land to "his" kids to sell and sent the others out on the street.
He can f.uck off, you can't beat the sh1t out of your kids anymore like you used to. My point is don't take any sh1t from him he's not your real father, he didn't make you. Your mom should want whatever makes you happy and he should understand.
I did mention about talking to his step dad before going crazy. It appears that there are too many people on here with short fuses. It's too easy to tell someone to go bleep and do whatever he wants. The thing is, that's not how the world runs. There are rules and consequences. I really don't see anything wrong with trying to work things out first, before declaring war. Just cause somebody wants something, doesn't mean it's their right to have it. Any moron can get physical, but it takes class and brains to communicate. So don't be like George Bush, instead try to use some intellect.
Pretty much, if you want to look like an immature jackass, do what Rob said.
If you want to look like an adult, someone who is worthy of owning and taking care of a dirtbike, do what Isaac said.
It's up to you.
As for mike and rob and others that say "he's not your dad", you guys are about the most ignorant f<ck as*ses out there. I'm sure you had "horrible childhood's", but i was adopted by two people when i a child, and just because they didnt make me does not mean they are not my mom and dad. It doesn't matter who made you, it matters who supports you, who loves you, and who gives you a roof to live under. And don't say "oh its not the same" because it is. we both had parents that didn't give birth to us. If i ever heard you say that to one of your parents, i'd beat your f<ckin as*ses.
You know i find it funny rob.. judging by your recent posts in this thread.. i would have guessed that you were about 12. but i took a look at your profile and holy sh*it you're old enough to drive! had me fooled with your immaturity, you sly bast*ard you. and good work combating what i said, and not just going for a subject change. once again, your maturity just shines in this thread.
Main point here, your advice is awful, extremely idiotic, and will get him no where with either of his step parents except in deeper sh*it. it's a shame we couldn't all be huge hardasses as kids like you were rob. then again, it's not a shame that some of us have parents that loved and cared for us as kids.
Gavin,that post of yours was hard for me to read because I couldn't stop crying.You're also very observant aren't you?Don't answer that.I see you're in Illinois...if you ever wanna meet up on friendly terms you'll see for yourself how I'm completely different than you think I am.Like I said I wouldn't let people control me,it's just not going to happen.I took quite a few a ss whippins from my dad in his attempt to correct the sh1t I did when I was younger but it didn't stop me to do what I was doing.I learned things the hard way and on my own and I think that's the best way of going about things.Like I said we should meet up on friendly terms and you'll see I'm not the a sshole that you think I am.If you're looking for trouble though...swing by 81st and Lawndale,you'll see my boys out there any time between 11:00Pm and out standing on the block until 6:00 AM sometimes.The funny thing is the Lawndale Two-Six won't even f uck with them boys.Where do you live Gavin?
Rob, lets not get carried away with this. Surely, even under your tough childhood, you can clearly see that, it`s not wrong to have dufferent point of view/opinion. Not everyone reacts the same. You were lucky enough to learn the hard way. If everyone behaved like you, we wouldn`t have any criminals in this world. I`ve learned that, it`s always better to reason first than get physical/confrontational.
Rob, i didn't mean to hit a touchy subject with you, but you have to realize that this is a really touchy subject with me also. just those words "you aren't my real dad".. i cant imagine ever saying that to my dad (my adoptive father) because of everything he has done for me. that statement just entails a lot of things, and i wish people wouldn't throw it around like that. i don't think my dad would ever recover if i said that to him. as for your childhood, i sympathize.. though i was very young and don't remember it, i was abandoned as a kid too. i don't remember much, but to this day i still know that at some point in time that i was as disposable as a piece of trash to someone.. and that hurts. the worst feeling in the world.. so i really do sympathize. as for the rest of what you wrote.. i don't know much about lawndale's and what not.. but i'd assume you're from chicago? i'm from southern IL, and going to school in st. louis right now. i was born (and abandoned) in carbondale, you may have heard of that? I will say it was wrong of me to judge you.. and it was immature on my part. something about that phrase just hits me wrong and kind of makes me go off a bit. as for your neighborhood.. i think i'll stick to my nice, safe, dorm room.. lol. though if i am ever in chicago (which i am about once a year) then i would be glad to look you up.
"Rob, lets not get carried away with this. Surely, even under your tough childhood, you can clearly see that, it`s not wrong to have dufferent point of view/opinion. Not everyone reacts the same. You were lucky enough to learn the hard way. If everyone behaved like you, we wouldn`t have any criminals in this world. I`ve learned that, it`s always better to reason first than get physical/confrontational."
I agree completely Isaac but sometimes you HAVE to stick up for yourself and I'm sure you realize that.As far as not having criminals goes...well I've done my share of dirty deeds but we didn't all grow up in the same neighborhoods and sometimes you have no choice but to do things that you don't want to,people need to understand that.Back on topic,I personally would bring it to my step dad but it will get you into trouble I guess but I won't bow down for someone that is against my dreams and way of life that I choose.All I want Monkeyman to do is stick up for himself.Some people live in fear of others their whole lives and won't do anything against the views of those people but...I'll do what I want to do as long as it's right or I think the things I'm doing are proper.
I've raised children from infancy to teenager that weren't mine. I also have two children of my own. The biggest difference I see between how I treated all them was that I was/am tougher on my own blood. They all got the attention and guidance a parent is for and the most important common denominator was respect. If you don't show it, don't expect it. You keep your promises and lead by example.
I raised Dexter from about one, now he's getting out of school. Sean I helped raise from months old and now he's 13. My own are 6 and 4. You guys kid about me being ecoustic's "father figure" and it's not too far off in real life for me. It takes alot to take on the responsibility of someone else's children as well as your own. Quite simply if you can't handle the baggage, don't go on the trip.
What some of you guys have experienced in your youth is regrettable and wrong. The best thing you can do is learn from it, and make damn sure you don't become the Asshole in some other child's life story.
Paul,mad props go out to you.I have a cousin that I've always been there for,he had things pretty much the same way as me,no real father figure so I was always there for him.I taught him to do the right things and I taught him to be strong and not back down from things and give respect when it was due but not to give it to ignorant people.The thing that makes me laugh is that I was just a young kid trying to teach a younger kid how to grow up and act and ever since he was younger I've been the only one he respects and would listen to.I dunno it just seemed like my cousin needed help and advice so I tried to give it.I also taught him how to read and write and all sorts of other things.It's like he's my own son in some ways because his parents never really tried to raise him right and kids these days are all punks =/
Paul.. I have so much respect for you. If there weren't people out there like you.. i hate to think what may have happened to me and kids that had a situation similar to mine. not only are you a father to those kids, but depending on their situation, you may have saved thier lives. like rob said, mad props go out to you, and all others like you.
Rob maybe you missed my post? back track like 5 up and you'll see that i replied to the post you made.. if you're looking for specifics right now i'm going to SLU (saint louis university) but in IL i live in a small southern town called Olney. i doubt you've heard of it.. mostly corn fields.
I commend Paul alot. It is so hard to raise step children. But I have awesome step daughters who love and respect me just like I love and respect them. I love my step daughters just like I love my own. I never call them my step daughters but call them my daughters. I am very blessed to have them in my life. We are very close...so close in fact that they feel safe enough to talk to me about their own father or anything for that matter. I have been raising them since they were 4 and 6. They are now 12 and 13 almost, 14. My own daughter is 4 almost 5 and I have another due in mid-march.
Well...Gavin,if you're ever in the chicago area hit me up bro.We can meet up and chill and talk bullsh1t and just have fun It's nice having a mall right by your house to go to and hit on every good looking girl you see.
Here's the thing, is if u tell him your going to keep the bike, he might respect u more cuz u stood up for urself, and in say 7 yrs u may look back and laff at this situation as i did or u may think damn i was acting dumb or he might think the same thing with my step dad when we got into a fist fight. keep the bike, if he tries to sell it, call the cops. explain to him that he cannot take away something u worked for becuz he don't like it. trust me, if he stays with your mom for a long time u'll look back when ur hanging out having a beer and go, u remember that time u tried to sell my bike, man i was pissed and he'll go yah i was being a dick, i'm srry.
yeah my dad is never around and never takes me anywhere.. whenever he is home hes yelling or trying to punish somebody for no reason. i stopped listening to him last year and its worked for me
The bottom line, right or wrong, is that his parents will be the ones who have to foot the bill if he were to wipe out and get hurt on the bike, which is a very possible scenario. This gives them rights above and beyond the very well-said posts above. While I never like for anyone to tell me what I can or cannot do, and in fact I won't listen even if they do, in this case the facts are the facts.
In fact my parents always had a no/no attitude towards anything we wanted. I guess it was to make their lives easier.
"You can't get a job unless you have a car to drive yourself to and from. You can't have a car unless you get a job to pay for one." I was one of 5 kids so you know how things went in my house.
Ultimately we all just had to break out of our parent's mold and just do things for ourselves. It was really my generation breaking away from theirs.
I owned up to all my mistakes tho. When I got arrested for DUI at 21 I didn't even bother calling my folks. I knew what my father's response would've been. Paid for my own lawyer, paid all my surcharges myself, got myself to and from work without a license for 6 months and learned a valuable lesson.
I'm only scratching the surface on all my "valuable" lessons but you get the idea lol.
Well, I want to know a few things before I voice my opinion.
Did you buy the bike with YOUR money? Why doesn't step dad want you to have bike? How long have they been married? Does he try to take control of EVERYTHING?
sorry i just go to reading this about 20 mins ago for the first time. you all seem to have very good and very different opinions..
to answer some of the questions i remember..
yes i have the title to the bike
yes i paid for it myself
they have been married 3 years
anything that i want he usually says no to because he does not like change.
for example.. i know this kid who ive been friends with since i cant even remember.. in 3rd grade he moved away to tokyo.. every summer he comes back to nantucket and we literally hang out every day and i usually sleep over his house more in the summer than i stay at my house.. we are like brothers and his family loves me like a son (they have said it many times and have offered me a home whenever i need it)
this year they offered me to come to tokyo for winter break and my step dad said no because he doesnt want me flying alone. so his mom said she would pick me up and he still said no..
i have to go to work and i wish i had more time to explain
i will answer more and converse with you after work sorry
if your mom says u can ride it as long as you have the pads and ish then have it man. Its really your mothers decision on whether or not u can have the bike or not. I think your step dad trying to get rid of it is a control issue he has.he wants to be in control of everything it seems."this year they offered me to come to tokyo for winter break and my step dad said no because he doesnt want me flying alone. so his mom said she would pick me up and he still said no".. that proves it. My stap dad trys to control me but i dont let it happen. i still follow the house rules and all but i never let anyone step all over me. if your mom says keep the damn bike if u have the pads then keep it. dont let this guy control u man. like others have said have a meeting with your mom and this guy and explain how u love bikes and how you and your mom had a deal. good luck man
Ok. The guy sounds like a controlling @ss. You have the title to the bike, so dont worry about him selling it. And yes if your mom says you can have it and ride it, then do it. Let them fight it out, even though he will most likely take it out on you cause thats how it almost always happens. If they both say no, I now personally wouldnt do it but knowing how it is to be a kid and wanting to do what I want to do, If you decide to break the rules, be ready to pay the consequences whatever they may be.
But really just sit down and talk with them first and find out why he is so against it. Make it clear that this is a passion you have.
ever since ive known him it seems like hes trying to gain control.. i sat him down many times and calmly asked him his reason for saying no. every time inevitably he loses his temper for me questioning his decisions. i am slowly starting to think that there is no reasoning with him.. what he thinks is what he will always think even if i completely prove his statements wrong he will find a way to make it right in his mind..
another PERFECT example of him trying to gain control..
the other day i was hanging out with my friend. they just turned 17 and like everyone knows 17 is the legal age to drive with people in your car as long as youve had your license for 6 months. so i was hanging out with this person and my stepfather asked me how i was going to get home. i told him that my friend would drive me later. he said no i cant get a ride with them because you have to be 18 to drive with people... well i argued with him and even got other people i was with (my friends parents.) to tell him that no its 17. he continued to argue so i hung up on him... later on when i got home (from my friend legally.) he started yelling at me. i ignored him and went upstairs to get my drivers ed book. i went to the section about laws and found where it says you need to have your license for 6 months and be 17. i went down and showed it to him and pointed out exactly where it says that. and he said no they changed the rule and that book is wrong... (the book i had gotten about 8 months ago that was made in 2006 and since then there have been no rule changes...)
i was so mad about this that i just gave up and decided that there is no reasoning with him and that hes a stupid controlling f^ck. so i dont know what to do.....
legal age in sc is 15. That's BS. I agree with naledge for the most part, but it seems you'll just have to tough it out till you're 18, or move out, whichever comes first. If you have the title put it somewhere safe, and don't let him have it. he can't sell it, and if he does call the cops. good luck
My stepdad acted the same way when I bought a snowboard. I told him what was up and we ended up throwin fists and furniture, 6 years later we talk like good freinds. The bottom line is everyone goes through stuff with their parents, just act mature and dont be the first to get mad and start swingin. And stick up for what you believe in, cause if you lose that you've lost every battle.
^^x2 w/ sticking up for yourself. I think he's probably trying to assert his authority still- proving that he's the man of the house or something. If you point that out to him he'll get upset, but you have to if you want to get anywhere. Throwing fists doesn't seem like a good solution- but if you're family you can always make it up..
Oh, I forgot to mention: my parents were in their 60s while I was in my teens. My brother decided he was old enough to do what he wanted. After an argument with my dad he was on the street for a bit, so I'd watch yourself if your parents are really that strict.
It's nice having a mall right by your house to go to and hit on every good looking girl you see.