Basketball people


Gold Member
Username: Naledge503

Portland, OR USA

Post Number: 4272
Registered: Jun-06
I am a huge Portland Trail Blazers fan. If you keep up with basketball then you know how decimated Portland is by injuries. I was on a basketball forum and came across this post in a thread as to why Portland has had so many injuries. It is golden so I thought I would share.

"by haschel cedricson on Wed Dec 23, 2009 5:06 am I have an alternate theory to explain all these injuries.

Remember how Andre Miller has the current active streak for consecutive games played? And remember that game a few weeks ago where he rolled both ankles and kept on truckin'?

I posit that Andre Miller is not a man at all, but rather some sort of Basketball Vampire that siphons away the health of his teammates and converts it into his own health so that he can keep his active streak alive. As evidence, I would like to point out that the injuries to Batum, Outlaw, Mills, Pendergraph, Fernandez, Oden, McMillan, and Przybilla did not happen until AFTER Andre Miller joined the team. Look at all the injuries the Clippers had in 2002-03, when Andre Miller played for them! Coincidence? I think not! Also, I don't have proof that it was Miller's constant vitality-leeching that took away Chris Webber's health, eventually causing the 76ers to buy him out, but I strongly suspect that this was the case.

So, what can we do?

Obviously, we can't bench Miller. McMillan's Achilles tendon was a warning to the coaching staff; they won't dare take action. Instead, I suggest we sign a free agent to play center since Joel and Greg are done for the season. I understand that there are some D-League prospects or we could bring Joel Freeland over or something like that, but our new-found hole at center actually offers us a new solution that can help us banish this basketball demon once and for all: we need to drag Shawn Bradley out of retirement. Hear me out. These are the FACTS:

1) Bradley plays center, and we need a center. Look it up.
2) Shawn Bradley has experience with Basketball Vampirism, although admittedly his area of expertise is the siphoning of talent, not health. This experience has been recorded ON FILM in the documentary "Space Jam". I imagine that Bradley now understands how these arcane powers work, and therefore he is most prepared to go against them.
3) Shawn Bradley has six children, each of which has a name that starts with the letter "C". If you look at our roster and coaching staff...

Roster wrote:LaMar C us Aldridge
Ni C olas Batum
Jerryd Bayless
Steve Blake
Dante C unningham
Rudy Fernandez
Juwan Howard
Andre Miller
Patri C k Mills
Greg Oden
Travis Outlaw
Jeff C urtis Pendergraph
Joel Przybilla
Brandon Roy
Anthony Tolliver
Martell Webster

Nate M C Millan

... you will find six Cs. This seems important, somehow.
4) Do I need a Number 4? If 1-3 didn't convince you, then I don't know what to tell you.

I'm not going to pretend that exorcising Andre Miller is going to be easy. In fact, it's possible that these so-called "freak" injuries may begin to spread beyond the team and into the Greater Portland Area as this vampire keeps at his fiendish plot of playing in every consecutive basketball game. But if we do nothing, Andre Miller won't have any teammates to play basketball with. Er, with whom to play basketball. We must act NOW. Kevin Pritchard needs to get on the next plane to Utah as fast as he can.

Help us, Shawn Bradley. You're our only hope."

Gold Member
Username: Denali_on_22s

Post Number: 6371
Registered: Feb-06
Sucks for Portland, but I can't think of a worse idea, humorous or not.
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